《 修正のプロセスを理解する 》
相手に適正に伝える為には、文章を簡潔、明確で活力のあるものにする必要があります。再読して文法、スペル、句読点、書式、構造の間違いや問題点を見つけ出し、追加、削除、配置換えといった修正を行うことで内容と文章構成を改良していきましょう。再読と修正で、不要な単語・語句に埋もれてしまっていた最も伝えたいことを簡潔、明確で活力のあるものにできます。
< Before Conciseness >
Subject: Investigation of Web Sites of Some of Our Competitors
This is just a short note to inform you that, as you requested, I have made an investigation of several of our competitors’ web sites. Attached hereto is a summary of my findings of my investigation. I was really most interested in making a competition of the employment of strategies for marketing as well as the use of navigational graphics used to guide visitors through the sites. In view of the fact that we will be revising our own web site in the near future, I was extremely intrigued by the organization, kind of marketing tactics, and navigation at each and every site I visited.
In the event that you would like to discuss this information with me, feel free to call me at extension 219.
< After Conciseness >
Subject: Investigation of Competitors’ Web Sites
As you requested, I have investigated several of our competitors’ web sites. Attached is a summary of my findings. I was most interested in comparing marketing strategies as well as navigational graphics to guide visitors through the sites. Because we will be revising our own web site soon, I was intrigued by the organization, marketing tactics, and navigation at each site I visited.
If you would like to discuss this information with me, please call me at extension 219.
このように、一度は書き上げた文章を簡潔化することを目指しましょう。冗長なフレーズや長ったらしい導入部、不要な副詞を削除し、古臭い言い回しを使わないように気を配りましょう。業界用語、スラング、常套句の使用についても注意が必要です。目指すところは、自分が伝えたいことが正しく伝わるかどうかです。
《 簡潔化する 》
「時は金なり」―――ビジネスにおいてはまさしくその通りです。適正に簡潔化された文章やメッセージは、読み手の時間やコストを節約することになり、理解度も高まります。
< 冗長なフレーズを簡素化する >
冗長 / Flabby 簡潔 / Concise
at a later date later
at this point in time now
afford an opportunity allow
are of the opinion that believe / think that
at the present time now / presently
despite the fact that although
due to the fact that because
during the time while
feel free to please
for the period of for
fully cognizant of aware of
in addition to the above also
in spite of the fact that even though
in the event that if
in the amount of for
in the near future soon
in view of the fact that because
inasmuch as since
more or less about
until such time as until
X The company approached the union issue in a careful manner.
O The company approached the union issue carefully.
X Our office will in all probability be relocated.
O Our office will probably be relocated.
< 長ったらしい導入部を簡潔化する >
長ったらしい導入部は不要です。重要な部分は概ねthatやbecauseの後にあることが多いです。
X This e-mail message is being sent to all of you to let you know that new parking permits will be issued January 1.
O New parking permits will be issued January 1.
X I am writing this letter because Dr. Johnson suggested that your organization was hiring trainees.
O Dr. Johnson suggested that your organization was hiring trainees.
< 不要な副詞を削除する >
very / definitely / quite / completely / extremely / really / actually / somewhat / ratherといった強調語句を、真摯で交渉の余地のある文章に仕上げる為に使うことが効果的な場合もありますが、使い過ぎないように注意しましょう。
X We actually did not really give his proposal a very fair trial.
O We did not give his proposal a fair trial.
< 古臭い言い回しを避ける >
古い 現代的
are in receipt of have received
as per your request at your request
attached hereto attached
enclosed please find enclosed is/are
I trust that I think / I believe
pursuant to your request at your request
thanking you in advance thank you
under separate cover separately
簡潔化の方法や例を実感できたでしょうか。次の記事でも簡潔化のテクニックをもう少し採り上げます。
** References: Essentials of Business Communication, Guffey and Nagle,
7th Canadian Edition
